Navigating this system is challenging when you are a person with a disability. I often don’t share this fact because I am still reconciling with it myself. I also grew up in a time where it was easily stigmatized evidenced by the number of isolated alternative environments for people like me. I can still remember going to different classrooms, surrounded by other children who were noticeably challenged. . .

I say noticeably, because I believe to this day, that one of my greatest challenges is not because I have a disability but because it goes unnoticed for so long. They way people read and the way people talk is asynchronous at times and I really pick up on that. It makes it so hard for me to earn full credit on homework as a result because I am conflicted by doing what is ask of me on paper versus doing what the teacher is asking for. I tend to do better in writing courses because I have the ability to be creative and detailed in my responses.

Later today I am meeting with a math advisor to see if my dream of becoming a math teacher is a possibility or not. I know I am applying to Stanford Law, but I want to keep my options open. About three weeks ago I had a difficult exchange with possibly the most friendly math teacher I have ever had. He said, “everyone else understood the assignment, [and received credit for a particular section]” or something to that effect, at a time I was appealing a grade due to the obscure language in the assignment. I felt defeated. I have been down before, but I remain forlorn since. That very week, I had a meeting with an assistant for the new Chancellor Jennifer Mnookin, to see if I may arrange a personal meeting with the chancellor.

I really desired this possibility. I have so many experiences at my current university, hard ones at that. Things only a select people who need to know, know. I wanted to share this story with the previous chancellor before they retired. Chancellor Rebecca Blank, recently passed away. It seems my vision of walking across the stage to and shaking the Chancellor Blank’s hand was just a dream, and my chances of having a good memory with the university at an administrative level is is weakened as well. I wonder what could possibly be the harm in letting one student have fifteen minutes to be heard?

I have been going to my current school for years. I know I am just rambling and complaining at this point, but in the grand scheme, it seemed like such a small ask for such a big refusal. My life balances out somehow, and I believe I will eventually graduate, but at what cost to my mental health. Will I ever feel heard, or do I remain in the backs of people’s mind, with a silent disease, struggling trying to be normal?