I hope to one day be admitted into your law school moreover, I hope that my post secondary education goes better than my other degree careers. I want to be accepted as a person more than anything else. When I was a child, I felt miserable in school on a daily basis. I did not perform well academically at all, in fact, I literally failed every grade kindergarten through my senior year in high school. I only found academic success after receiving my high school equivalency diploma at age nineteen.

It took me some time to realize that without a solid educational foundation I would have a difficult time making ends meet. I became a father at age seventeen, and fatherless at age 21. Something my Dad always told me was, “Stay Focused,” something that my Mom tried to teach me was to ‘keep the faith.’ As I type this journal, I am having a challenging time doing both.

I am so mad with God for this divine manifestation that is my life, I often find myself praying that things will become easier or that I will no longer feel and be so alone. In keeping my spiritual grounding, I press on recalling that God has a plan. At my age, given what I have been through I often wonder what that plan actually is. . .

Nevertheless, I am nearly done with this one chapter of my life. I will soon graduate from the University of Wisconsin Madison with no less than one, no more than three degrees. It is so interesting how I am forced to introduce my degree path. I am somewhere between a double and triple major, studying Chinese, computer science, mathematics, with a smaller concentration on health policy. This seems to impress everyone but myself.

I honestly can say my passion for all things creative has waned over the years. I do not doodle anymore, I never create digital music, I have not made any ceramic pieces in half a decade, and the only times I play guitar is when I am building up confidence for something temporary like performing at an open mic night. I am simply no longer myself which is well and good for the sake of maturing, but devastating with respect to my younger self, my dreams and goals.

As a child I can recall wanting to be a police officer first, then an astronaut, after that I had no dreams. Maybe that is why I had no ambition at that time. I can recall telling someone at a science camp my folks sent me to of my desire to go to outer space. I must have been in middle school at the time, so already my grades were less than stellar. I just remember them being honest–rather– trying to be realistic with me, in a way that did more harm than good. It failed to reach the same level of excitement I had, it leveled me in a way that made me feel hopeless. The sentiment was that my past performance precluded me from ever being in space. I was told I needed to be getting higher marks, or that I should already be in AP classes.

Of course I was not incapable, I just lacked motivation to do homework or study for tests. Ultimately I took more tests than anyone to be pushed into the next grade. At one point I was tested for AP math because of my aptitude in spite of having very low GPA. Now, I am among students who think I am something I am not. I have the apatite for knowledge, but that does not make me a great student. Sure I have learned to how to be more discipline with my study habits, but most times I sit alone and wonder why.

Will I continue to learn new things?

Will I meet people who want to take the time to get to know me?

These are the important kind of questions I am asking myself before I even take the LSAT or apply for admission. I am a returning adult student (RAS) at UW Madison, I feel like I encounter some inequity on a daily basis. While there is a lot of dialog on campus about inclusion it always seems to fall short of anything substantive for the RAS population. If I am interested in continuing this academic lifestyle then I must also be able to tolerate the types of grief and pain that come with it. Will I be accepted?

Till next time,

~ShY

Shia Aaron Lloyd Fisher